I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
