1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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