You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
