Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
