White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize