I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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