she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
