i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
