no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
