Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
