If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
