I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
