OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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