Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
