To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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