so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
