batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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