The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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