Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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