hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Floor bacon is actually really good
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
