This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
