oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
