you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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