i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
