It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
