I love black thongs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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