Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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