I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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