meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
