farters have to be the big spoon...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
false alarm, still single
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
