Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
