I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize