In the future we'll all be gay
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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