I just pynch a tree in the face
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize