i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
