Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
