what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
