i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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