so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
