Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
