awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
