i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
