Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
