I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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