chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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