Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
