So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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