the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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