I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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