All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
