i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
