I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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