I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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