he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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