when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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