There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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