she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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