you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
