I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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