billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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