It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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