dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
