i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
