the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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