She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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