Screwed.edu
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
