Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
