The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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