i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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