we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
