apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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