I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize