I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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