I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
