I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
