so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
