what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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