As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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