and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
