It's Friday. Sex?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
