Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
