I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
