I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
