i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize