I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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