I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize