In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
